Mathew and his amazing journey to break my heart

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Mathew and his amazing journey to break my heart

I am inadequate to write this post.

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I have thought over it, prayed over it, dreamed of sharing it, and cried over it, but I still come here not knowing what to write. In writing this story of my son, I so desire for all of the glory and credit to go to my great God.

I pray that his fame is renowned, and that Jim and I, and even our precious brown eyed boy, would fade into the background. We are just supporting characters in this story - the starring role was long ago reserved for my God, my Savior.

For this is ultimately and completely His story, and I hold it loosely knowing who really holds the pen. I could never fully tell all that God has done to orchestrate getting Jamesy into our family. There is no way that my finite mind can begin to even comprehend, in order to tell, the supernatural way that God joined our family together through this amazing, wonderful, painful, beautiful, humbling journey of adoption.

This is the part that we feel led to share. The other part is reserved for Jamesy alone to share someday if he feels so led. We have very little to give him of his past, and would like to keep what we can sacred for him. We chose this road of adoption -which was a big step for both of us a step of faith and some private, personal growth steps as well - for very unique reasons for both of us.

We both felt very strongly about a boy. I have the most tender spot in my heart for boys.

Mathew and his amazing journey to break my heart

I always wanted a son, and the thought of having two just excited me to no end! Not that this diminishes my love for my Cadi at all. We also decided, without honestly much prayer, that God had a healthy infant boy for us. We knew any international adoption was risky, adoption in general is challenging and even hard, and we surely knew that God would not require more from us.

God began breaking my heart in a way that I could not fathom. He was growing me at exponential rates, like never before in my walk with Him. He was releasing us from our bondage of materialism and the American dream - a bondage we had not even known we were under.

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I was beginning to think that I was reaching a pivotal point in what God had to teach me through our adoption. And then God yanked the rug out from under me. I have shared this next bit in a previous blog post, but now I will add all of the details that I was not at liberty to publicly share until now.

It happened on a Thursday. I scrolled through the newest messages. I saw once again someone mention the Waiting Child List.

I Have a Dream - Wikipedia

I remember thinking how great that would be, and how special those people were to be able to accept one of these children into their home. The list is full of children who have special needs - sometimes the special need is simply that the child is older and less likely to be adopted because there are very few requests for older children compared to the families requesting infants.

Others of the children have varying degrees of special needs.My wife stays home and takes care of our son every single day. She changes his diapers, feeds him, plays with him, puts him down for his nap, and comforts him when he’s upset.

Here is the entire Scripture passage:

"I Have a Dream" is a public speech that was delivered by American civil rights activist Martin Luther King Jr. during the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, , in which he called for civil and economic rights and an end to racism in the United States.

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5 months that’s it?

Mathew and his amazing journey to break my heart

20 miserable weeks? That’s all he was giving my wife before the light of the sun, the smiles on our kids’ faces or the love in my gaze would be just distant memories and she would forever be doomed to grope around the house, stumbling and bumping into .

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